3/2/22 – Little Kathy

Peace Be The Journey

Little Kathy. The two words growing up I despised to hear. I was not "little Kathy." I am not my mother I always thought. I have my own personality, my own likes, dislikes, and more. Losing my mother delivered a fatal realization to my core. It was an absolute HONOR to have been compared to her. She was the kindest person I have (or will) ever know. No matter what she always put others first. Always..............

These 100+ days without her have made me realize what a treasure I had right before me. Watching my mother suffer as she did before she passed, watching her eyes at their last opening (a sight burned into my worst nightmares) should not have been when I embraced my similarities to this incredible lady. I had almost 40 years to relish in the fact that I AM half her. That I love to eat like her, that I had the same struggles with men as her (although she was married at 21, and yet here I am at 40.) I digress - I AM Little Kathy. I look exactly like her. I'm a caregiver like her. I always put others before myself, often to my own detriment. I'm a people pleaser, I want peace and contentment, not anger and anguish, and most of all - I love my mother. My mom once told me how devastated she was when her mother passed, and always told me I would miss her when she was gone. I stupidly never thought that day would come, showering my ignorance with the realization that I wasted an insurmountable amount of time where I could have savored our relationship. Instead of despising my comparison to her, I could have embraced this God given gift, that my mom - will always live on in me. I am little Kathy.

The days following my moms passing I turned to music (as I often have in life during times of strife.) So many of my favorites have so much more meaning now. I've even created a Little Kathy playlist. Today I share the lyrics of one tune I always had dedicated to my mom. If she only knew how much I really loved and admired her, how much I wanted so much more for her than to waste away in a recliner, fighting for everyone else until the bitter end. Today, forever and always - "Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend."

Lyrics - "Mama, by the Spice Girls"
She used to be my only enemy
never letting me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
Every other day, I crossed the line
I didn't mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had
Back then, I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now, I see through your eyes
All that you did was love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
You're my friend
I didn't want to hear it then, but I'm not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I had a lot of time to think about
About the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility
Back then, I didn't know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now, I see through your eyes
All that you did was love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
You're my friend
You're my friend
But now, I'm sure I know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now, I see through your eyes
All I can give you is love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
You're my friend
You're my friend
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
And loving you and loving me
And love that's true and guaranteed
And loving you and loving me
And love that's true and guaranteed
Mama, I love you, Mama, I care
Mama, I love you, Mama, my friend
"

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Richard Stannard / Melanie Brown / Emma Bunton / Victoria Adams / Spice Girls / Melanie Chisolm / Matthew Rowe
Mama lyrics © Polygram Music Publishing Ltd. Gb, Red Girl Productions Ltd

3 thoughts on “3/2/22 – Little Kathy

  1. I love this line: “It was an absolute HONOR to have been compared to her. She was the kindest person I have (or will) ever know.” What a testament to the person she was! Sounds like you are realizing a whole lot of her lives on in you and you are keeping her spirit alive. Great slice!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! The tears are streaming. I am so glad that you have an opportunity to have the best relationship with your mom. YOU have so much to be proud of. Continue to make your mom proud!

    Like

  3. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing these words. When I was in my early teens, I was so mean to my mom; it is something I regret, but I learned with my own daughter that 13-year-old girls can be like that and still love you. Now that I am in my 60s, I see more and more of my mom in myself. Trust me, she knew how much you loved her – a mother always knows. Give yourself the time you need to grieve; it is a process.

    Liked by 1 person

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