3/22/22 – It’s Not About The Quantity

A saying on my mind today is “it’s not about the quantity, but the quality.” Let me tell you how I came upon this thought today. As most of the people in my life know by now I do not always think positively (or positively hardly at all to be honest). Yet, with my mother and dog dying I’ve really begun to grow into a different version of myself. An example of this happened today. Our 2nd grade general education teacher was out at a training in the AM and so she had a substitute. I, as the LBS who pushes in was also in there this morning. Well, when said teacher came back almost her entire class ran up to greet and hug her, shouting her name as if she was royalty. (I can’t blame them she is pretty awesome.) Anyhow, in that situation old me would have immediately wondered why I didn’t have a fan club like that who couldn’t wait to see me. Fast forward to this afternoon when I replayed the earlier events of the day. Old me was forming a thought about how nobody liked me (wha wha wha) yet new me immediately said, no – students do like you, you just rarely (if ever) think on those thoughts first, before you spiral down a staircase of negativity. Midway through my negative thought my new self replayed the events of writing class (before the 2nd grade teacher returned.) One of the new students who moved into the school recently (and we have built such a nice bond) had come up to my back table where I was helping a few students, sat down, and wanted my help the rest of that writing class (when she really didn’t need it.) When the 2nd grade teacher came back our new kiddo didn’t budge from where she was standing. Well, you might be asking yourself where she was standing…. I had walked to the back counter to tally some behavior data and my new friend had walked up to me and was showing me her drawing that went with her writing. I made her laugh by saying something funny and then told her I would see her tomorrow since I had to leave for my own meeting. Well wouldn’t you know it she then proceeded to grab my legs in the biggest hug and wouldn’t let me go. In walks the 2nd grade teacher and who was still hugging yours truly? The student who always looks at me as I walk in the room. The student who always smiles at me and looks to me for help if she needs it. The student who walks up to me always at recess to say hello. Yeah, I would say the quality, is certainly better than the quantity. I adore this kiddo, and it looks like the feeling is mutual. I’m really going to miss her. So if you ever feel like you don’t matter like I usually do just remember – there is at least one person out there needing a whole lot of you, all of you – because we all matter. It just takes some of us longer to learn it. Welcome new me, it’s nice to meet you.

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