3/10/22 – It is out of my hands……..

Today is my sister’s first birthday without my mom. I stopped to think (and write) about this today as mom passed two weeks before I turned 40. One of my biggest birthdays and the first without my mom. The feelings have all rushed back to me as I try to comfort my sister that it will be ok, I mean what can we do anyway? It’s out of our hands.

I miss mom so much, I could talk to her about anything and she was always on my side. Any bad day that I had I could come home and she would make it all better….

So much is out of my hands yet I wish I could alter the direction of current events. I would even rewind that clock and tell mom I love her one more time, I would hug Ponch more too. It’s so quiet – but I’m still trying to focus on the positive.

1.) What surprised me today? Hah this one is funny. In a meeting and somebody whispers to another staff member asking them why am I there. Yeah that didn’t feel good. It was out of my hands.

2.) What touched my heart today? The new students that I am working with. I am so in love with working with Kindergarten and 1st grade now. I’ve found where I want to be. I’ve found the age group that I like best. These kids make me smile no matter what. Reading a book with my kindergartner today 1-1 was truly awesome. Her smile, the way we can read together, the ways in which she is growing. Absolute bliss if you ask me. I am going to miss them so much…….it’s out of my hands.

3.) What inspired me today? My mentor and new best friend. She’s amazing guys, she’s a good soul like I try to be. She inspires me. Her work ethic, how she handles herself as a wife and mom, how she fights not only for her students, but for staff as well. She listens to all of my worries and woes. Each and every day she makes me believe in myself and zaps the positivity that I so desperately need into my negative mind. She came back into my life at the perfect time…it was out of my hands.

As I anxiously await the good news I hope is coming next week I am off to check in on my sister again. Loving others and showing kindness no matter what, well that is in my hands……

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